A/N: This was a piece I wrote for myself after I had a really bad panic attack. It helped me to calm down, so I figured I’d post it. Maybe it will help someone else.

Summary: Cindy/Reader. Cindy finds the reader on their floor in their apartment in Lestallum, and helps to calm them down from a panic attack. 1,620 words

Sometimes, it was too much for you. The darkness that is. Both the literal one outside Lestallum’s gates, and the mental illness that was now left unchecked due to the shortage of medicine. The first month off them was always the hardest. Panic tended to build up inside you, even as you forced it down. It left you open for an attack at any moment. You were lucky this time. You were safe in the city. But it was a small comfort in the face of your attack.

Your chest hurt, your heart was racing too fast. It was too hard to breathe, too hard to think. Your muscles were twitching uncontrollably, making you unable to move. You closed your eyes a long time ago. Or was it a short while? When panic set in, it was always hard to tell. Time turned endless, and it always felt like this feeling would never come to its end.

You barely registered the door to your apartment opening, having forgotten that you were expecting company. The cold air that followed your guest in only made you curl further into your knees. Vaguely, you could make out them calling your name. Then suddenly, they were at your side on the floor, guiding your face up to look at them. You opened your eyes to see who it was.

“Darling? What wrong sugar?” Cindy placed her hand on your cheek, trying to get your attention, to pull you out of your mind. “Come on, come on back sweetheart.”

You leaned into her hand, feeling it’s warmth. She was always so warm, even when you felt as if Shiva herself had settled into your soul. But even her warmth wasn’t enough to pull you back you felt, so you started to close your eyes again, prepared to let the panic have you.

“No no no babe. Don’t you close your eyes,” she said.

With her other hand, she seized one of yours and laid it flat on her collar, low enough on her chest for you to feel the beat of her heart and the rise and fall of her breath.

“Alright, just look at me hun. Focus on my breathing.” She said softly, but firm enough for you to keep your eyes open. And though you couldn’t hear her, not through the panic, you managed to match her breathing as she wanted.

And then sound started to return.

“That’s right, keep on coming back now.” She whispered, leaning forward to rest her forehead on yours. You still felt the rise and fall of her chest, and when she was this close the only thing you could focus on were her eyes. As green as the world once was, making you think of nature. Birds. Leaves. Sunlight…

“I’m right here babe. Right here. You just keep breathing.” She said even softer than before.

Wasn’t it lucky that the gods saw fit to place the earth in her eyes?

You finally manage to pull yourself together enough to whisper her name. Her eyes were locked on yours, and a small smile creeped onto her face as she saw your awareness returning.

She gave a small relieved sigh, and let her hand on your cheek trail back to the nape of your neck to hold you. “I’m right here Pumpkin.”

A shuddering breath left you then, and she carefully pulled away, resting on her calves where she had been kneeling to help you. You inhaled and held your breath for a short time before exhaling. She guided your hand down to her lap, and then took your other hand after releasing your neck and placed it there as well. She then lightly squeezed your hands, which you returned, a grounding presence while you came down.

“Alright sugar, do you think you can stand?” She asked, still holding your hands. You watched her, still focusing on her eyes, and nodded. “Good, alright, come on now.”

She got up first, standing to her full height to help you to your feet. Your muscles were weak from your trembling, and she knew they would be. But she was deceptively strong, and easily helped you to stand. After which, she guided you to your small couch and sat you back down, making you lay down for the moment.

“I’ll be right back sugar, okay? I’m not leaving you.” She said, squeezing your hands again, tighter this time, before letting go altogether.

Once she was out of your sight you closed your eyes and just focused on your breathing. You tried to keep your mind clear, to avoid the problems that caused your attack in the first place. There were a lot. Your own mind was like a minefield these days. Sometimes, when the anxiety was really bad, you wished you had perished with the drug supply in the city.

“Hun?” Cindy said softly, so not to scare you, “Can you sit up for a moment?”

“Yeah.” You said quietly, finally able to bring yourself to speak.

“Good. Now come on.” She helped you sit back up, keeping a hand on your back, and brought a cup to your lips. “It’s water darling. Just take a couple of sips and you can lay back down.”

Rather than answer, you listened to what she said and slowly drank from the cup. You gave a slight nod when you didn’t think you could handle anything more, and she pulled the cup away, setting it on the floor next to her. She then settled on the end of the couch and had you lay back down, so your head rested on her lap.

As gentle as a feather, she pushed loose strands of hair behind your ear, and ran her fingers over the strands. She kept stroking over your hair in a repetitive motion that you could focus on. Once she saw you had settled, she said, “Now sugar, what happened?”

Your eyes open and flicker up to meet hers. “It…it’s silly.”

“Now hun, finding you on the floor hyperventilating isn’t silly. And I’m sure whatever caused that isn’t silly either.” She says firmly. She believed in her words.

You only hum in acknowledgement.

“I’m serious sugar! It was…it was scary finding you like this. If there’s something wrong, it’s not silly.” She placed her hand on your cheek again, gentle forcing you to look at her. “It’s not silly.”

You released a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, and buried your face into her lap. “Cindy, there’s…There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

She didn’t know. She didn’t know that you were sick. It was always terrifying telling someone this. People have walked away from this before. It made your heart sick thinking of being left behind by her. But then, you turned your head and looked at her. Really looked at her.

Her eyes looked sad, the corners of her mouth turned slightly down. Not in a frown, no. But rather in concern. It was the eyes that told you so. Her eyebrows were pulled together, and if you looked closely, you could see the beginning of a wrinkle between them. (You hoped you weren’t the one that put it there.)

“You can tell me anything. Just please. Let me in.” She whispered and went back to stroking your hair.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. And then you focused on the wall across from you. You didn’t want to see the moment Cindy realized you were mentally ill. It usually looked like love leaving their eyes. You couldn’t bear to see that on Cindy.

“Back in the city… I had to take medicine for this…” You spoke quietly, explaining. You told her of your symptoms, the medicine, holding nothing to yourself. You couldn’t lie to Cindy.

“…And…It’s okay if you don’t want to deal with that. It’s okay to leave. Most people can’t handle it.” You finished. Slowly, tears started to leave your eyes in slow trails down your face, and into her lap.

But then, she suddenly had you sit up and then turned your face toward her for a kiss. It was slowly, gentle, searing. Chaste as well, but no less passionate than the other kisses you had shared. It was as if she was breathing warmth into you through your lips. And if she had set her heart on exploring your mouth during this kiss, you were sure it would have tasted like summertime.

Once you were breathless, she pulled back. But your noses were still touching.

“Now you listen here,” She said, just as breathless as you. “When I said I love you, I love all of you.”

Her eyes burned into yours as she spoke, but you didn’t care. It was chasing the cold grip of panic from your heart. The worry that had been choking you about this as well. “Don’t you ever think that I’d leave you for something like this…Something you can’t help. I love you.”

She pushed forward into another kiss and pulled back, muttering her love against your lips before taking a third, fourth, and fifth kiss. 

“I’m here. Through thick and thin Darling. If you ever feel like this, don’t you dare hide this from me. I’m here.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” You ask, whispering to yourself. But she answered anyways.

“You smiled.” She breathed a laugh against your mouth, then leaned forward to rest her head on your shoulder. “And I was a goner before I even knew your name.”

You sat with your arms wrapped around each other on the couch for a few moments longer, and you both were willing to forget the world outside your windows. You both knew peace then.