World of Ruin Drabble

Summary: Takes place a few months after Distorted Reflections. Loqi is trying to reach a decision on whether to stay in Lestallum, or go back to running from demons. (Aranea is worried for Loqi’s mental health, and Cor is worried the idiot might actually leave)

Loqi focused, depression implied. 

AO3 Link

~~~~

He stared into the darkness, toward Ravatogh, fixating on
the distant point. There was a small settlement that way, or had been. If he
made his way there…

“Loqi?” A hand shook his shoulder.

He turned to face the hunter, who had a strange look in his
eyes. “We’re almost finished loading the truck, and are about to head back.”

He turned his head and looked at the rest of the group,
settling around the boxes and taking their seats for the ride back.

“Right. Coming.”

~

Later on back in Lestallum, Loqi stood leaning against the
side of a building, arms crossed and brow furrowed. Today he’d gone and helped
in the kitchens again. Gifted the young Amicitia with a bolt of cloth he’d
happened across, again. Then ended up going out on an expedition for supplies
with a small group of hunters again. Then returned. Again.

It scared him to think about just how far he’d settled into
a routine here in Lestallum.

This was meant to be temporary. A place to heal until he
could hit the road again. Curse Cor and his stubbornness, but he’d been right.
Loqi knew he’d never have lasted out in the world with his ankle as badly
sprained as it was. Looking back, it also scared him how final he thought that
last rest in the diner was going to be. And just how okay he’d been with the
idea of perishing. Finally, he could rest.

No matter.

He pushed himself off the wall and set out toward the small
apartments that the hunters shared. Perhaps it was time to move on. It’d been
on his mind this past month more than he’d like to admit. As the days passed,
he could feel the tensions around him growing. The only other person who could
be considered a Nif was Aranea, and she was more than welcome due to her past.
She’d abandoned her post in the end, long before the long night set in. She’d
saved people and still went out looking for survivors every chance she got.

But Loqi? He’d been loyal to the last moment, and could do
no more than the next hunter ever since he lost his mech in Tenebrae.

Speaking of the hunters, though they appreciated his skills
when outside of Lestallum, they were starting to look at him differently. Their
faces held something in them he couldn’t decipher, and he didn’t like not
knowing. Were they planning against him? Plotting an accident? It’d be easy to
explain that the former Nif general had gotten himself killed on a mission with
them. It happened all the time. And it would be no more than he deserved after
what his homeland had done.

Better to leave before they could extract revenge, right?
That’s what he told himself anyways.

“Loqi, you keep that frown on your face for too long you’ll
end up with wrinkles.”

He hadn’t been aware he was frowning, but the frown deepened
at the voice.

“Maybe then I’ll look my age.” He replied, stopping and
turning to face Aranea. Think of the devil and all that he guessed. “Something
you need?”

She caught up with him and he started walking with her. “Nothing
much. Just checking in on you I guess.”

She said it nonchalantly, slowly shrugging her shoulders and
keeping her eyes forward. The words rang through his memories, making him
recall back to when he’d first been promoted to general at 17. She’d checked on
him then too. Frequently. She didn’t have a need to before then, considering
she’d trained him. But when he’d first started on his own, she looked in on
him. As much as she liked to pretend that she didn’t care for people, she cared
very deeply. Especially for those younger than her.

He recalled reading her file one night when he’d still been
new, and saw that it mentioned a younger brother very briefly, and only in the
past tense. He knew better than to bring it up. (And he would never allow him
to voice how he found it touching that she did care that he’d been a kid when
first facing war.)

“We’re far from the empire Aranea. You’ve no need to keep up
with me.” He said, just as nonchalantly as she did. He knew it was mean of him,
to dismiss her way of showing she cared so easily. “Training was a long time
ago.”

What he didn’t know was that it would cause her to smack him
in the back of the head. It was hard enough to smart, but not enough to cause
actual harm.

“Ow.” He glanced at her with a glare, which she met with a
glare of her own.

“And you know that I don’t just check on people because we shared
a birthplace.” She stopped in her tracks and he did the same. “I’ve seen the
looks you’ve been getting on your face. It was the same that day you lost your
mech.”

He rolled his eyes, knowing what she was referring to, and
sighed, “Fine. I’ve been doing well.”

“Don’t give me that.” She huffed and then started walking,
faster than he could keep up thanks to her height, “I’m not the only one who’s
noticed you know. Now, normally, I wouldn’t even be saying anything, because I
don’t really give a crap what you do…”

Liar. He knew she cared, but he didn’t see why. There were
more important things after all.

“But even the immortal is worried.”

He couldn’t keep the surprised look from his face. “What
would Cor be worried about me for?”

“We all see it Fluff.” She leveled a stare at him, and
waited for him to catch up with her stride.

“Don’t call me that.” He muttered, a small flush finding its
way onto his cheeks. She hadn’t called him that since he’d been a recruit
training under her.

“You’ve been thinking of leaving, haven’t you.” She said it
as a statement, not a question.

He gave her a small shrug and continued walked toward the
apartments without her. “If I am, it wouldn’t be a large loss. Might even boost
moral.”

“Hey.” She easily caught up with him and grabbed his arm,
stopping him from walking further. He didn’t meet her eye. “Don’t say that.”

He remained silent, but allowed a sigh. She in turn gave a frustrated
growl and grabbed both his arms, turning him to face her. And he allowed it.

“I looked for you, you know.” She began. “After Tenebrae.”

He glanced up at her, trying to gage if she was telling the
truth.

Tenebrae was a mess. The empire had been falling apart, and
he’d been on his way back to Gralea to see if he could save his home, but was,
by chance, forced to stop there. Daemons attacking civilians, the manor still
burning out of spite he assumed, and Aranea in the middle of it, trying to get
as many people as she could on her airship. It’d been a battle with the light
dying as it was. He couldn’t leave her there, and he was proud to say he helped
turn the tide. But then…

His mech blew up. Again. For the last time, because there
had been no repairing it. The thought was an embarrassing one, and he couldn’t
help the cringe. Aranea took that for guilt, because of what had happened
after.

“When I’d saw you there, your eyes. They were as distant and
as tired as they are now. You’d told me you were heading to Gralea, even though
we both knew at the time that the capital was lost, and going there was a death
sentence.” She lightly shook him then, trying to pull him out of his thoughts. “But
then you fought and vanished, and all I could find was your armor. …I sincerely
thought you’d let yourself die, or became a demon.”

Her voice was hard by the end, and barely contained the
emotion she was trying to suppress. As if she was trying to hide that he’d made
her morn him.

“Aranea…” He looked up at her.

Not even the astrals wanted me, was a thought that he kept
to himself, and he quickly shook his head, trying to rid himself of the notion.
If he let himself think like that, he’d definitely end up in a cycle of
thoughts that were better left not being thought.

“You’re not leaving. And if you do, I’ll come and hunt you
down and bring you back, because what you’re doing isn’t…It’s not right.” She
released him then. “That’s all I wanted to say. Because today you…Well to be
honest you look horrible Fluff.”

“Yeah yeah, thanks.” He muttered, and crossed his arms. “So
what should I do. Because I’m clearly not welcome here. You’ve seen their
stares Aranea.”

“You idiot, they’re staring because they’re worried.” She
pressed her fingers to her eyes as if she was fighting off a headache. “Just…remember
what I said. If you do leave, I’m hunting you down, and I’m sure Leonis will
come along too considering he brought you back here the first time around.”

With that she turned and left, as if leaving him with his
thoughts was a good idea. However, he didn’t blame her. She never liked talking
about emotional things, and hearing that she looked for him, out of all the
people in the empire, was an emotional topic. With any luck, she’d go have a
few too many drinks with Biggs and Wedge, and he’d have a head start on getting
lost in the darkness again.

If he left.

A huff of frustration left him and he went inside to his
shared apartment. Now, he was doubting that he wanted to leave, which was new.
It was forcing him to confront the fact that when he felt like this, tired,
drained, exhausted, he’d left where he was for somewhere dangerous. As a 14-year-old,
he’d formally joined the army. As a 16-year-old, he’d trained under Aranea on
some of the most dangerous ops. He’d put his own name up for general at 17, and
got it because he was driven and willing to take smart risks. In his 20s, he
led his own ops at the front lines, not to mention the countless times he’d
thrown himself practically on Leonis’s sword. Tenebrae. Now.

“Damn it.” He muttered under his breath, and practically flung
himself on his bed. Once there, he took his pillow and placed it over his face
to block out the world. When he felt like this, he left. It was just what he
did. (Never mind that he usually left for dangerous situations. That was
something he wasn’t ready to think about, due to what is might suggest about
himself.)

But did he actually want to leave?

It was just his luck that a familiar voice suddenly cut
through his thoughts.

“If you’re trying to smother yourself, I’m sure there are
more efficient methods than a pillow.”

A sigh that bordered on a groan left him and he took his
pillow off his head to look up at the man looming by his bedside. “Marshal.”

“Aranea seemed…disturbed. I believe her words were, you go
talk some sense into that…” He paused and then considered his words before
continuing. “…Well, I don’t really care to repeat what she called you.” He
looked down at Loqi with a raised eyebrow, “But I do know that if she
personally asked me to talk to you, it must be serious.”

With that, Cor sat on the bed opposite of Loqi’s own bed,
and remained silent, as if waiting for Loqi to speak. To which, Loqi only
offered his trademark glare toward him, and stared.

After a few moments of silence, Cor sighed, “So…I take it
the rumors of you wanting to leave are true?”

“Rumors?” Loqi sat up, and he could feel a headache started
to keep up on him, “What rumors.”

“People are wondering about you. They say after every
mission you stare into the distance. It takes them longer and longer to get
your attention. They’re worried that one day, you’re just going to wander off.”
He paused to observe Loqi’s face, which was staring at him with wide eyed
horror, “You’re not aware you’re doing it.”

No, he wasn’t. But now Aranea’s words about the hunter’s
being worried made sense. Was that what was behind the looks they’d been giving
him? Worry? He turned away and stared at his feet. He never used to be so
transparent, he’d like to think.

“Loqi, I’m aware that you came here reluctantly, but that
doesn’t change that you did come. And when you did, no one questioned it. They
welcomed you.” Cor continued staring at him, and it made him feel smaller than
he’d like. Cor’s eyes seemed like they could read him and everything about him
with a glance, and to have him stare at you for any amount of time was
disconcerting. “You are welcome here Loqi, regardless of whether you think so
or not.”

He got up then, and placed his hand on Loqi’s shoulder,
causing him to look up at him. “If you do decide to leave, come talk to me
first. That’s all I ask.”

He squeezed once, and then left Loqi alone again. Once of
Loqi’s hands reached up and rested on his shoulder where Cor had touched him.
Honestly, he was being touched a lot today, at he didn’t know what to make of
that. He sighed again, and laid back down, curling up to face the wall. At
least Leonis had kept it short.

He closed his eyes, deciding that he wouldn’t leave. For
now, he’d stay. Just to see if what Aranea and Cor said was true.